I really meant to write a post sooner but every time I tried to, I couldn’t.
Something just seemed like it was off, but I think I have finally figured it out.
This weekend was the first time in five years that The LD and I have ever spent his birthday and Mother’s Day alone.
My sister threw a party for The LD last weekend – a great big event with all of his family and his school friends – and we took my mom out Saturday night so my sisters and I could give her the photos we had done for her and to spend some time all together with her – which is nearly impossible to make happen with five very different and conflicting schedules.
We had lunch with my mom Friday afternoon and brunch with her and my dad this morning but the majority of both days – and most of the weekend – we spent alone, and it was weird… and as someone who has been a single parent right from the beginning, I have to admit that I find it strange that this was such a foreign concept to me.
It was lonely.
I feel guilty saying that – especially since The LD was so amazing. He woke me up early this morning and presented me with a gift and a card. I think it may have been the sweetest thing he’s ever given me.
He brought it home on Thursday afternoon and kept it a secret right up until the moment he gave it to me – which, for him, is a huge deal. My kid is not a secret keeper. It truly amazes me how much he loves me. Every single day.
We spent the rest of the day cuddling and watching movies.
His birthday was much of the same – a quiet celebration between the two of us – this time a surprise from me to him. A fire-belly toad that we’ve named Sheldon. We had a quiet sinner together with no big hoorah.
It was different.
I’ve spent these days single before, but never alone. I’m used to a house full of people and celebrations as a family – or as an extended family, I suppose. It occurs to me that we did spent it together as a family – the two of us.
We are our own little family, and I guess that it’s time that I realize that.
I still find it strange that in five years of single parenting, this realization is only dawning on me now.
How can I be surrounded by so much love from my son, and still feel sad and lonely today?
I never thought that at this point I have so much difficulty with the concept.