I don’t know what is wrong with me, honestly.
It’s like it doesn’t matter what I do, or what point in the relationship – or courtship – we are at, it is always inevitable that I will get the brush off.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I haven’t found the “right” guy yet.
When I do, it won’t happen.
Yada, yada, yada.
In all seriousness though, I’ve never had a relationship with someone that didn’t end almost as soon as I gave in to their advances.
It’s like as soon as the thrill of the chase is over, they aren’t interested anymore.
It doesn’t matter how long it’s been, how much we have in common or how much we (seem to) enjoy our time together.
It happened with JME, The Ex, The Dad, KO, & Gold and it never fails.
They’ll pursue me for as long as it takes for me to give in and give it a shot and it always ends in a brush off.
Even if it takes 2 years for it to happen, like with JME.
There was a guy at the gym who asked me out, consistently, every time I ran into him.
When I finally caved – he stood me up.
I keep hearing “Yes, yes, yes!” Only to hear a barely audible “Nevermind.”
Or worse, nothing at all.
“Yes I want you, yes I want this.”
Then: nothing. I stop hearing from them. They move on – the grass is always greener, you know.
Clearly the only part of this that I’m any good at is “the chase.”
I’m not good at the parts that come after that.
I want to be.
I’d like the opportunity to be.
I don’t like games. I don’t like drama.
I want something that is what it is.
I feel like I need to just step back and just.. stop.
I’m tired of hearing that someone is interested in me, that they can’t believe how much they like me, that they want to be with me – just to have them leave without an explanation.
What is the point in feigning interest?
It’s turning me into a negative, irritable and miserable person.
That’s not who I am and it’s frustrating that I’m letting myself feel this way.
If all I’m meant to be for now, or even in the future, is a single mom – that’s fine.
But I could do without the heartache.