I don’t know if I’ve just been watching too many Sex and the City reruns or what but lately my mind has been stuck on the concept of soulmates.
- What are they really?
- Are they real?
- Does everybody have one?
One SATC episode in particular comes to mind – the one where they’re discussing Charlotte’s “two great love” theory:
Charlotte: Everyone knows you only get two great loves in your life.
Carrie: Everyone who? Where’d you get that?
Charlotte: I read it in a magazine.
Miranda: What magazine, “Convenient Theories for You Monthly”?
[Charlotte has just told the girls about a magazine article she read which said that a woman only gets two “great loves” in her lifetime]
Charlotte: So far I’ve only had one great love – Trey.
Charlotte: How many great loves have you had?
Carrie: Really? What about Steve?
Miranda: Steve’s a friend, not a core-shaker.
Samantha: Well, I’m done with great love. I’m back to great lovers.
Miranda: [to Carrie] You?
Carrie: I refuse to define love in those limited terms
Miranda: [laughing] I had to!
Charlotte: Oh, come on Carrie! Aidan and Big!
[Charlotte pauses as she realizes what she just said. Carrie looks up at her]
Carrie: One, two. And according to you, I’m done!
Charlotte: No, no, it was a stupid article. It was at the dentist!
Carrie: No, no, no, no, too late now. You said it, it’s over for me. “Here lies Carrie. She had two loves and lots o’ shoes.”
It makes me wonder if it’s possible to have more than one soulmate. I think typically most people associate the term soulmate with one person. Whether you find that person, or can make yourself be happy with that one person is irrelevant, although in theory neither of those should be an issue, right? You should find them and “instantly” be happy with them. There is one person out there that is destined to complete you.
“The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.”
– Jalal ad-Din Rumi
Honestly, I’ve always been the kind of person that fell under that category but as I’ve grown, gotten older and discovered more about myself I’ve started to wonder how that could possibly be true.
How is it possible that we are wandering this planet, full of people, in search of that one person that is just meant to be?
It feels weird to be posing a question like that to myself considering that, at the same time I’m asking this, I still believe in destiny, fate and everything happening for a reason.
My mind feels like a great big contradiction right now.
The thing is, when I fall in love, I fall hard.
It’s hard not to believe that when you feel so strongly and passionately about someone that they aren’t “meant to be.”
Some people believe that you don’t truly fall in love until you’ve found the person you call your soulmate but I find that hard to believe in. Even despite all of the heartaches and the heartbreaks I wouldn’t change my mind about how I felt – I wouldn’t look back and say “you know what, I wasn’t in love with him, or him – it had to have been something else.”
It might not have been perfect love but I still think it was love, at least on some level.
With every love and and every heartbreak I feel like I’ve grown and matured – I definitely learned something whether it was about men, myself, relationships or human nature. I feel like I’ve become more self-aware.
Along with all of that I’ve felt like with every love and every heartbreak my definition of soulmate has developed a little bit. Like maybe these people have come into my life to teach me something and prepare me for that one person that I’m truly meant to be with, like we’ve had life lessons to teach each other and once they’ve been learned it’s time to move on.
I don’t know.
I think my opinion changes a little bit everyday. I kind of sway back and forth between ideas. I just can’t settle on one. I feel like it’s something I’ll never really know or understand until after it’s happened. Until I can reflect back on it – because hindsight is always 20/20, right?
At the moment, I think that Elizabeth Gilbert summed it up perfectly in ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ when she said:
“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.
A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.
A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…”
— Elizabeth Gilbert
But who knows, maybe both ideas are right. There are soulmates out there that come into your life just to introduce personal development and then that one soulmate that is the person you’ve been changing your life for – the one that is meant to be and meant to come into your life and stay.
They say, though, when you meet your soulmate there is a feeling of complete intimacy and complete connection. To me, that sounds like perfection.
What do you think?