children / co-parenting / dating / life / me / Parenting / relationships / Single parenting

The thing about dating single parents is…

I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately and I know that it makes me a hypocrite but:

I don’t think I could date somebody who has kids.

Is that weird/terrible/horrible?

All I can think is that it would be so unnecessarily complicated. With all the baby-mamas and baby-daddies and children and schedules and drama I can’t help but think it might not be worth the trouble.

My life and my co-parenting relationship are relatively drama-free and, just throwing it out there, I’d like it to stay that way.
Obviously it will never stay exactly the same – things like our random bout of drama is the proof in the pudding right there, but that doesn’t mean I have to go from one extreme to another – nor do I want to.

And I know it’s possible for it to happen, and be successful and for people to be happy (a la CBG, Momma Sunshine and T) but I just don’t see it as being something for me. I just can’t get it out of my head. I can’t figure out how I would be able to happily blend that much of a family – you’d never be able to make everybody happy and that would make everybody miserable.
What if the kids hate each other? Or the ex hates me and won’t let the kids come around? Or everyone hates everyone other than the two romantically involved?

There are just too many things to factor in I guess.

Is it petty to think I would only date someone who didn’t have children, just because it would be easier for me?

I’m watching my friend A go through this terrible custody battle with her ex and there were so many signs before they became exclusive – before they had a baby together – of all of the drama involved in dating somebody who already has children. If she was smart, she would have run right then and there, but being the new girlfriend how do you know who to believe about what when it comes to your partner and his ex? I mean, generally, you’re going to believe the person you’re dating because why wouldn’t they tell you the truth? Especially when there are children involved.
In her case she should have believed the ex, turned around and run far far away.

I’m not saying that I think every single parent that I could hypothetically date would choose to deceive me but I do think that people tend to be selectively honest.

That bothers both hypothetical me and real me.

Some of my friends think that being in “my position” (i.e. a single mom) that I don’t have a right to be choosy, or have standards or preferences.
I really don’t get that and I don’t think that I’ll ever understand it.
Being a single parent doesn’t make me a lesser person or any less deserving of finding someone that truly makes me happy.

And you know what I have to say to them? Screw you.
Being a single mom has made me a stronger person.
Being a mom has taught me to open my heart and love in ways that I never thought I could.

I don’t think that it should give people a reason to judge.

I’m not looking for Mister Right-Now and I’m not looking for Mister Perfect.
I’m looking for Mister Right.

Hypothetically, of course.

Plus, before I unexpectedly got pregnant with the little dude I had decided that I didn’t want to have kids. They just weren’t my thing.
It’s funny now to think that I just can’t wait to have more.
But the thing is: I truly, and honestly, cannot stand most other people’s children.
I’m sorry if that makes me a terrible person but it’s the God’s honest truth.
So the thought of theoretically being with someone and their hypothetical children scares the shit out of me.

Of course for the right person I would probably change my mind.
But I don’t want to.

I’d honestly rather be alone.

Why does that make me feel like such a terrible, double standardizing, horrible, horrible, person?

Thinking about this shit tires me out too, bud.


4 thoughts on “The thing about dating single parents is…

  1. Heh! I do understand. I didn’t have that as a requirement but I’m glad DH didn’t have kids for this very reason. He could relocate to where I lived…no one was holding him back. My ex is married to someone with 2 kids, too, and an ex-husband. Things get REALLY complicated for them in trying to figure out schedules, etc. I don’t think it would be a deal breaker but I’m pretty happy with how it worked out for me 🙂

  2. I never even gave baby mama drama a thought until you started writing about it. But now I see that there are so many routes that could lead to major unhappiness through it. I don’t think you’re crazy. You’re just being realistic. I think that maybe I could date a guy with a kid if the child was young and the relationship with the mother was good. It would definitely take awhile to commit to that kind of life thought.

  3. I’ve also pondered whether or not I could date someone with a child – not having any myself. But I guess it definitely goes both ways. One of my concerns is that not necessarily about the ex and how she I and would relate to each other- but it’s whether or not the child(ren) will even like me. Maybe I just watched The Parent Trap one too many times growing up!

  4. I don’t find anything wrong with it. It is disheartening as I have encountered it many times. Being a single dad in my experience the women want either a baby daddy or want their own family. And given how the drama I’m sure exists between an ex and a current beau is, in my case it sucks even worse because there is no baby momma drama. She left me and the kids and moved across the country and doesn’t bother calling. Even on holidays. On the plus side my kids don’t get to see all the possible drama even if it means this guy stays loneky

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